Help me because I’m in like with someone that is broken, bound to his past, and can’t seem to move on.

He falls deeper into depression every single day that passes.

I want to save him, but I don’t know how deep down he is right now, and how long is the vine that I need to throw down at him.

I want him to forget about his past; to forgive the person who damaged him; to not be afraid of loving again; to stop hating; to open his heart to someone new.

I tell him that I like him, every chance that I get, but I don’t know if it helps. I don’t know if I’m doing it right. I don’t know if I would be able to save him.

Please teach me how to love a broken man.

What I Wanted To Say (06/19/17)

“Because I’m not even sure about dating ever again,” you said. It took me 20 minutes to contemplate for the right response. I was slightly hurt, but I understand where you’re coming from;  you’ve been traumatized because of what happened to your last serious relationship. I know that it’s hard for you to forget about all that, but I want you to trust me that I won’t do the same.

“I’ll tell you when I find someone that I like more than I like you,” I said. But that would be difficult, you know. Because I’m not the type who would fall in love with two people at the same time. But I had to say that so that you won’t feel burdened.

This is probably the first time I told you what I really felt. I add “lol” into everything that I say because I’m too shy to let you know how serious I am with you.

I really hope that my stubbornness will pay off, and that you’ll realize that I’m not the same as the girl who left you; that I’m younger, but I’m mature enough; that I meant it when I said I like you; that I can heal your wounds if only you’d let me.

Yes, I sound desperate. But when you like someone that is broken, you have to go an extra mile. You have to do things that would make him feel loved because that’s the only way for you to get through him.

I don’t know how our story will end, whether it will be a happy ending or not, but I don’t want to give up on you that easily. So, I’m choosing to stay.

06/07/17 12:45am

When I was a child, I used to create my dreams to help me fall asleep. I try to remember happy memories, and that’s where my ideas come from.

I do not remember when and how it ended though. One night, I was laying in my bed, anxious and couldn’t sleep. I tried to reminisce happy memories; I tried to create my dreams. I tried with all my might, but I failed.

There’re no more happy thoughts to serve as my lullaby.

04/29/17 8:51pm

My father asked me if there’s still a chance for me to pass the subject which I’m having problems with. These past few days, I couldn’t look him in the eyes and I’m too ashamed to look at his face, even more answer that question.

I remained silent for a while, but when I realized that he’s still waiting for an answer I simply said to him, in monotone, that I don’t know. I used that tone of voice to make me appear strong and unaffected even though I’m on the verge of tears. Because the last thing I want to do is to cry in front of my father.

Even though I didn’t see my father’s expression after I said that, I can definitely tell that I disappointed him once again.

But honestly, “I don’t know” is the best answer I could come up with. I couldn’t answer him with “no” because I don’t want to share the haunting anxiety with him, and at the same time I couldn’t answer him with “yes” because I don’t want to go giving people false hope.